I remember waiting so anxiously by the window in my bedroom in the Bronx house for my Godmother to show up at a party my mom was throwing. I didn’t care about any of the other guests who drove up, rang the doorbell and poured in. All I cared about was seeing my Godmother. I remember fighting with my feelings, trying to prepare myself for disappointment, asking my mom over and over if she said she was still coming while trying not to betray my desperation. Appearing cool was always very important to me. But the fact was, I felt that a sacred part of my life was on hold until she arrived. I felt like all the adult world marched to a dull drone of conformity until she appeared to light it up in her special way. Essentially, my adoration of her was a bit mad. So much rested on her showing up that I would have been devastated beyond words if she had not.
It’s like when my cousin in law Elsie shows up at the parties, my husband’s family throws. Her niece G, goes wild whenever she arrives and throws her arms around her at every opportunity. She has adored Elsie since she was a toddler. I know, because I have had the pleasure of watching the relationship flower over the years and because Elsie is one of my favorite people as well. When she’s around kids, she becomes like a kid. She meets them where they’re at.
My godmother was also a grown up who had not lost one ounce of her sense of the play, imagination and childlikeness, which I still held dear. I longed to be close to her to feel a kind of belonging and ease I never felt before with a grown up outside of my family. That, to some degree, is how I have felt about most of the Aquarians I’ve engaged with in my life. For me, there is a light that just goes on with them. Whatever chemistry they are made of, makes my spider senses go off. What everyone else sees as impractical, strange eccentric or wacky, is like homecoming to me.